Live in this Moment

Sometimes you just can't speak,

The beauty you see with your heart.

The camera lens clicks away,

But the image is only true in your eyes.

No matter how hard I try,

the beauty of the moment slips away

like water through my fingers.

I take the fake iris away and breathe.

This moment I now have in my lungs,

In every beating of my heart.

It is now a part of me because I stopped trying to keep it forever.

The Second Adventure Begins

     I just couldn't get enough...my plans to travel 5 and a half months has now extended itself to 8 months. To tell you the truth if I had more time I'd take it. Looks like I caught the travel bug and this time its not letting me go. I'm afraid I got this bug for good, any chance I get I'm hopping on a plane and taking off for a new adventure. Being away for 5 months, and meeting all the travelers I have thus far, only showed me what a small portion of the world I have actually seen. That is why I have decided to do a second leg of my big self-exploration journey; now I am in Sri Lanka, and over the next 3 months I will be traveling to Thailand, Cambodia, Costa Rica, and New York before heading back to California to start my masters program. I got accepted in Pacifica Graduate Institute for their program in Marriage & Family Therapy with an emphasis in transpersonal psychology! I am excited to start this program, but at the same time sad that my journey has to end in August. Well, life is all about balance right? Things end, others begin.

I have now been in Sri Lanka for 5 beautiful days. There is no doubt in my heart or mind...this is by far the best country I have traveled to on my journey, and has stolen my heart with its beautiful landscapes and even more beautiful people. I only planned to stay here for 12 days, but I am going to do everything in my power to change my flights so i can extend my time here. It is that good. My father has always been telling me since I was young that when Joseph (my brother) and I grow up he will take all his money and retire in Sri Lanka, and live like a king. I always kept that in the back of my mind, but now that I am in this beautiful country I am thinking that might become my retirement plan as well. What can I say, father always knows best (even though I never seem to want to believe him!).

My journey began in the capital, Colombo. I met two other travelers who loved nature and wildlife as much as I do, and we decided to head to one of the countries national parks (Udawalawe) and Adam's Peak for a hike together. I am always asking the universe to send me love, protection, and wonderful people to learn from on my journey. Then the very first day I began traveling alone again, I meet two of the most amazing people: Christian from Columbia, and Mackenzie from Australia. I could not have asked for better people to travel with and learn from. People like Christian and Mackenzie I have no doubt that no matter how much time or miles may separate us, will be my friends for life. I asked the universe for beautiful people, and I was given the greatest friends I could ask for... I will never underestimate the power of prayer, ask with purity of heart and you shall receive, every time.

Bangalore Sunsets

       

       

       The clouds are like fire, pink vibrant fire. Looking out on Bangalore I couldn't be more grateful for this 30 minutes of peaceful time where it is just me and the sunset. I can hear the call to prayer from all around me, the mosques calling out to their devotees. Then all is quiet. The clouds grow blue, softer, then dark. The city lights begin to wake, illuminating like stars one at a time. I already miss the soft sun, as it fades behind the clouds. It must move on to light another sunrise, and I shall wait sleeping soundly until it's gentle rays tickle my skin awake tomorrow morning. 

Man is a Demon, Man is God

       Have you ever felt that you are a drop in a massive ocean that no matter what you do the current will never change. A single voice in a yelling crowd? Spending time traveling and learning new things everyday from the people I am around I feel so insignificant for affecting any change. Sometimes I learn about something, a pollution or poverty issue, and there are so many alternatives to change the outcome and impact such pollution or poverty has on a specific population or the world at large. Then it just hits me like a tidal wave; the fact that no matter what I do or say will change the way things are, the way people will always greed for resources and money. 

I was always taught as a child that even though I may only be one drop in a vast ocean, every single drop raises the sea level. That change is possible, and one voice speaking the truth can change the way things are. Traveling through these countries I see so much injustice, so many issues, and to many environmental problems that could all be changed if only people cared a little more. Today I learned about the working conditions on cruise ships, and the environmental impact of cargo ships on our precious ocean. That tidal wave of defeat hit again. How can I as an individual change the way I consume to not support these unjust and environmentally destructive industries. I cannot. I can reduce, reuse, and recycle, but at the end of the day no matter how hard I try I will always have to utilize something that is created or transported from such industries. 

That is when the realization came. As I was reading the phrase immediately resonated with me: Man is a Demon, Man is a God. Both are true, humankind has so much potential and creation power, yet we take everything for granted and hardly look at the consequences of our progressive actions. My new challenge is not to get frustrated and create a commotion about environmental issues I see, but to learn how to forgive, and simply be the best person I can be through balance within my own heart and soul. This is my next goal: to attain such balance through meditation. I am slowly learning that the key to true happiness and balance is meditation. Realization and true awareness is difficult because you see the world in all it glory, but you also see all the destruction. Sometimes while I have been watching in all these countries the destruction is much more prominent than the beauty. It is now time for me to work on balance, that way I can begin to see equal parts of beauty and pain. It is all the same, it is simply how the brain chooses to perceive it. 

Blind Awareness

          As I sit here writing this I can hear the sounds of the birds playing in the trees, the water running along in the creek below, and can take a deep breath of sweet fresh air. I look up to see a beautiful mountainside covered in green trees and bush. Then I hear the trucks pass horns blaring on the road just ahead, and my thoughts are carried with the truck speeding towards the city center. I see trash littered everywhere, and can smell burning plastic as another truck speeds past spouting a huge diesel cloud right where I am standing. I begin to think about blind awareness. Travelers often have a saying: "There is the rest of the world, and then there is India". As you walk the streets in India you cannot help but wonder about this blind awareness that all Indians seem to take when it comes to the environment. 

 One of my peers brought up in class one day why people here cannot see the difference between their own space, and the greater space when it comes to getting rid of rubbish. I have witnessed it countless times while being here in Rishekish (one of the cleaner cities in north India), people simply throwing their trash onto the street directly in front of them. I do not understand why people here cannot distinguish the difference between "their" space and a space for trash. People will sweep up the steps to their shops to make it clean and presentable, only then to eat potato chips and throw the bag in street in front of the shop. How does this make any sense? 

Then, I began thinking how nice it is to have a trash system at home in the US, but even though the system is in place where does my trash go? To a big heap 5 miles outside of the city? Is the system I know really any better? The Indian's might have a blind awareness to what is right in front of them on the streets, but in reality don't we all have a blind awareness to the waste we put out there? Just like the Yakshasas and their king Kubera in Indian mythology, we consume, consume, and still want more need more. What about all our waste? I learned today that there is little difference between what I see here in India, and the way we "get rid" of our waste anywhere else in the world. There is only a different concept of space. We are all the same in so many ways...it was only as I began to travel the world that I see we all have this blind awareness. All space is "our" space, and we are no different than our neighbors.

Two Weeks in the arms of Mama India

    I have arrived. After two months of traveling and talking about India, dreaming about what it could be like...now I am here in her arms. My transition to India has been nothing but sweet, welcoming, and filled with happiness. When I landed in New Delhi I could barely keep myself standing in line at customs because I knew that my brother was waiting for me just outside the airport. I was beside myself in excitement, the customs process seemed to go at a snails pace. I had not seen him in 7 months! The reunion was wonderful, and to have that as my first experience coming into India began my trip with the greatest energy I could have ever asked for. Anyone who has spent quality time with Joseph will know that whatever you are feeling his energy will just lift you higher. I become so happy when he is around, so excited on the little things in life, and filled with positive energy. If I could name one person who is my inspiration in this world it would be my younger brother. I cherish him in every way, value our friendship more than words can express, and hope one day to be able to see the world the way he does.

     We spent the next day in Delhi shopping, eating excellent Chana Masala, and spending time in the company of great friends. I had the pleasure of meeting a close friend of Nikki and Joe from Bangalore, Shulabh. Having Shulabh show us around one of Delhi's great social spots made my first experience of that crazy city a wonderful and charming one. Shulabh is so kind, friendly, and generous I was sad to leave. Hopefully we get to come back to Delhi and reconnect, our time together was too short. The next day we were off to Hyridwar by train, then a short car ride into Rishikesh. Once we arrived at Rishikesh Sadan Guesthouse (where Jeevmoksha Yoga Institute is located) we settled down in our rooms before venturing out into town. We had delicious chana masala for lunch, which was really a surprise because we have only had Chana 1 other time in our entire stay at Jeevmoksha Institute, and then went for a stroll before the sunset. 

     Our yoga studies began straight away the next morning promptly at 7am, with morning practice. After morning practice we have breakfast and tea before our yoga philosophy class from 10:30-12:30. We then eat lunch at 1:30, I usually have a nap, then practical yoga asana class from 4:30-6:30pm. This has been our schedule for the past few weeks. We do get sundays off, but my first two were spent in bed because I have had a nasty cold I couldn't quite kick. I am just beginning to feel better now thankfully! I am sure though that doing this intensive yoga has played its part in bringing out a whole lot of built up toxins, and my body becoming sick in new ways for two weeks time is simply another obstacle I must overcome. We cannot let the little obstacles keep us held back on our individual paths to greater self-realization and enlightenment. Keep up and you will be kept up! 

     Overall India has been gentle, nourishing, and welcoming to me these past two weeks. I could not have asked for a better introduction to this amazing country. Being surrounded by nature, fresh air, and the beautiful milky blue waters of the Gangaji has deeply embedded a strong love for India. I have only been here a short while but I will always have the experience of Rishikesh in my heart to go back to when the cities get frustrating. I only hope that I can learn with time and patience to look past all of the "dis-comforts" in the other parts of the country, and see the beautiful colorful chaos which makes India so special. 

Life's Mistakes and Triumphs

       I feel as if this trip has slowly been challenging me in small ways to conquer things, situations, feelings, emotions, and past experiences that have always set me back before. Its seems that new situations have come about during this journey that force me to face the challenges described above. For example I have always had a problem with eating, and being able to eat certain foods. It became part of my identity. I had this idea tied so closely with myself that I gave absolutely no room for change. Turned out that with some shift of perception and conquering my phobia I was able to overcome such a disabling food restriction. The world opened up to me!

Today I am challenged to look at my perception of money. I do not know where I managed to attain my anxiety and obsession with money, but somewhere during my childhood I became so concerned with money as a means of security. I realized that it is not an obsession with getting money, but rather an absolute fear of being left with nothing. I can work myself so hard, and budget everything down to the penny carefully making sure that I have a reserve in case anything goes wrong. Then come the mistakes, or big money purchases (car repair, insurance, health, outrageous shopping sprees, etc.) and the stress settles in. ESPECIALLY when you have no job to back up the purchase. Truth is money is like the ocean, the tide comes in bringing glorious amount of cool water to wash over you toes, and then it also recedes leaving you with nothing but annoying sand under your toenails. 

If we all know the basic facts about money, why does it haunt us so when we make a mistake? The night you lost your iPhone at the club, the clothes you bought that you won't really use, the dinner with your friends that got a little out of hand...you sometimes wish you can go back and live that night/day again so you do not make the mistake. In observing myself, there are a few things you have to sit down and understand in order to overcome these feelings of regret.

FIRST: Identify the problem. What is it that is causing your regret? Write it down and be specific. When you have those penetrating negative thoughts ask yourself is it about the money or the situation you were in? Be specific and write it all down.

SECOND: Identify why you made the choice you did, doesn't matter how you got there just be totally honest with yourself.

THIRD: Create "The Plan". How are you going to make up for the loss? Where can you earn a little more, or save a little more? Create a specific plan on a small sheet of paper that you can carry around with you to look at when those negative thoughts come back to haunt you uncontrollably. And I mean every time you get those thoughts pull out that sheet of paper with your plan and read it aloud. 

FOURTH: Take another piece of paper and now write down the positives of the situation. Write down everything good about what happened, and anything that triggered happiness when you were there. Chances are the mistake happened when you were feeling happy, calm, and comfortable. This is important too, write it down.

FIFTH: On that same piece of paper now write down how you will approach the situation next time. Simple, straight forward, with no negativity towards yourself. 

NOW embrace it, and know that life will again balance itself out. 

Truth is we have to take the losses in life as happily as we take the gains. Knowing that we have the power to do this is the challenge. Money will always come and go, but time will always go. There is no time to waste on blaming yourself for stupidity and beating yourself up. Today I will embrace my mistake and lose like a champion. Tomorrow I will "win" a new piece of mind. :)  

And Just Like That...

     my views on Vietnam changed. Changed for the better! I am now a firm believer that the energy you put out there is exactly the energy you shall receive. Go around nervous and you will only see the scary, go around smiling you will draw in those who are happy. Today was such a wonderful day, I cannot believe that it happened to me, really...and to believe that I had in a way given up in Vietnam. 

     This morning I woke up cold and tired in a not-so-great hotel, only to have a small baguette and a banana for breakfast with a heaping serving of horrible customer service. I did get a second cup of tea out of the mean reception lady/breakfast server; there is a silver lining in everything it seems! Then I had a wonderful and charming bus ride with my new friend from Barcelona, Fredi. He told me that Barcelona had beat Manchester United 2-0 yesterday, whoop whoop! He recently graduated from med school and is traveling with 9 of his friends. Sadly we were separated during our boat rides back to Halong harbor, but now I have new friends in Barcelona I am definitely planning on visiting. 

     After a 3.5 hour bus ride back to Hanoi from Halong Harbor dreaming about studying spanish in Spain and getting down on North Vietnam (excited that my bus out of here would leave tonight), I arrived in Hanoi back to the travel agency. I ditched all my stuff for two hours at the agency and went to walk around one final time in Old Quarter. Within 20 minutes I found a place to eat Che and found the doughnut lady. These doughnuts have become my new obsession because they are so delicious. I cannot seem to get enough of them! Che is a warm sweet treat that you can buy for less than a $1 a bowl. There are so many different options I am not sure how to describe them all. My two favorites are the black bean warm soupy one, and the one with the big white glutenous rice balls.  After getting my sweet fix, I decided to go for some peaceful time by the lake right next to old quarter. 

     Here I was just sitting down enjoying the blue sky (I was so amazed that I could actually see the sky, it was bitter cold and really cloudy last time I was in Hanoi) when two boys my age came up and asked if they could talk to me. They were Vietnamese, and to be honest at first I was a little sketched out because I had already affirmed in my mind that I did not really like the northerners. Boy was I wrong! These two boys really did just want to talk with me, only to improve their english. Within 10 minutes of walking we also met up with Tan's cousins (one of the boys) who was also very friendly. I immediately felt more comfortable because she was a girl, and spoke english quite well. Tam and his cousin Quynh told me how they practice speaking english as often as they can because in order to get a good job here in Vietnam you have to speak english. We talked about our families, interests, what we have studied, and of course why I am traveling alone. I think the only place I was not constantly asked if I had a companion was in Bali. I guess more people travel alone in Bali. We chatted all the way back to Old Quarter where we all sat down for some dinner. I asked them to take me to a place that served their favorite food, and we ate some really really delicious rice and chicken. If I could remember what it was called I would tell you, but I do not know any of the names of food here except Pho Bo (noodles and beef), Pho Ga (Noodles and chicken), and Pho Ca (noodles and fish). The language is pretty difficult for me to retain.  

     After dinner they walked me back to the street to tour agency was on, where I was picked up by a motor taxi to grab my bus to Dong Hoa. I am so glad Tan and his friend came up to me by the lake and asked to have a chat, because it really made my day! If I did not have the chance to meet them I would have probably left northern Vietnam not very impressed with its people, and probably would have never come back. Now my whole perception has changed, and Quynh even invited me to come to her family's house and celebrate the next Tet (Vietnamese New Year) with her! I feel so lucky that I was able to leave Hanoi on a happy note, and I know that I will have to return one day to see my new friends. 

Glorious Sapa and its Downfall

      During my trip in Vietnam I visited Sapa in the northwest region of the country. As it is the end of winter it is absolutely freezing there, I even had to buy a new NorthFace Jacket! Sapa was worth every shiver though, because trekking through the rice patties all up and down the mountains was one of the most beautiful landscapes I have seen on my trip thus far. I thought I had seen and experienced vast amounts of rice fields in Bali, but I have to tell you Bali has nothing on Sapa. We did most of our trekking through the mist and clouds only beginning to see the landscape when we descended to the valley underneath the cloud cover. The journey was also so joyous because of the wonderful friends I got to hike with over the 3 day period. Jocelyn, Geeske, Constanza, Smiljan, and Valérie were the best group I could ask for to explore this amazing terrain. I cannot be more grateful for the wonderful friends I have been making on this trip, and even though we only spent a day or two together you will forever be in my heart. 

The trip to Sapa was not all butterflies and rainbows sadly. There is a really annoying side to this beautiful place that will probably prevent me from coming back: it is the indigenous women of the Sapa villages. If there is any one place in Vietnam I have felt like a dollar sign, it was here. I fear this will be Sapa's downfall, something that these indigenous people I fear will not grasp until it is to late. As a tourist you are constantly badgered by the women of Sapa to buy little trinkets such as: bags, wallets, coin purses, bracelets, decorative wall fabrics, etc. When I say they will not leave you alone until you buy something I mean it. After 3 days of this you get so fed up, and the only words out of my mouth when I had to walk through town was "No Shopping, No shopping, No!". These women will hike with you for hours on end, and follow you around town as you are trying to enjoy time to yourself sometimes for 45 min or longer trying to get a sale out of you. Even when we were eating during our trek through the villages we would be badgered by "shopping? shopping? buy something from me? why you buy something from her and not me? shopping?", and they would be constantly be shoving products in front of you trying to get you to buy something, anything. Even the small village children would be selling stuff, mostly bracelets. It was kind of sad to see that these kids were following us all day to try to get a $.50 sale when they should have been playing and acting like kids! I remember Constanza on our 3rd day of trekking asking our guide to please tell the children and women to go away and stop trying to haggle us, but she would not only saying "they understand English, tell them yourself". I suppose they just do not understand that they are digging themselves into a hole, and soon tourists will not come because they are like flies to honey. You are only seen as money to them and after a while it becomes to much...it is so sad because Sapa is one of the most beautiful landscapes I have ever seen.

First Impressions

I have been in Vietnam for 10 days now. I have very mixed feelings about the country, and so far if it was not for all of the new friends I have made on my tours I do not think I would be a happy traveler at all. Vietnam is not at all what I expected. Okay first off I should not say Vietnam so vaguely...all I can really say is north Vietnam is not what I expected, and I really hope the people in the south are far more friendly, helpful, and interactive. I supposed my first problem is that I idealized north Vietnam, and thought it would be this wonderful nourishing place where I could really absorb the culture. Nope. Not. At. All. 

     The north Vietnamese are not the kindest people. They keep to themselves, pump tourists for money, lie, and do not try in the least to understand you if you speak their language. Also hardly anyone (outside of a tourist office) speaks english. I feel like I was tossed into a huge city, could not get around, and could not understand anything. It was a bit overwhelming, but I did not let it get to me. Plus it is really cold here, so my mind was really on keeping warm which really helped me focus on something else besides the negative. I am pretty sure the Vietnamese people have no idea what a heater is...I have yet to find one in this country. Which really makes me wonder how all these hotels dry their bed sheets and blankets...

     Anyway without going into to much detail, not being able to communicate, get much help from the people here, read signs, constantly being overcharged for everything, and harassed by a taxi driver (who cheated me in the first place) put me in a very sour mood about the northerners. I had heard good things from other travelers who had come from the south, and am hoping it is a bit better down there. I have made so many new friends on my trips out to Sapa and Ha Long Bay, and could not be more thankful that they push all the tourists into pre-booked tours, because I have met some wonderful people this way. Even if we only know each other for a day or two, the conversations and stories we share are priceless. I wish I could always live like this, and meet people left and right every day. I think I am going to have to extend my travels for another year because this is such a wonderful way to live I wish it never had to end!    

     After visiting the breathtaking rice "mountains" of Sapa, and seeing the thousands of islands (or "blobs" as my new friend Sophie would put it) coming up from the sea like the floating mountains in Avatar, I headed back to Hanoi to catch a bus a little further south to Dong Hoa. Both my adventures seemed surreal, I am so happy I braved the cold and decided to go on both these trips. Even though my experience with Vietnam thus far has not be ideal, I have to give it to the Vietnamese for having some of the most delicious cuisine in the world. I can only figure out what I want to eat by actually looking at the food being served, but so far it has worked out okay. I do eat about 100 times better when I have a Vietnamese friend at my side. But, besides my first two days in Vietnam when I stayed with three  young professionals at a homestay, I have yet to make any Vietnamese friends. Cause I don't think that tour guides should count as Vietnamese friends, because they are always amazingly friendly. Hopefully as I venture down south my perception of Vietnam will change for the better, and I will enjoy my stay here.

Waiting, Watching, Imaging

     I'm in the airport again, and I cannot believe I've already completed the second part of this trip. The big five month trip was such a scary thought, but now a whole month has come and gone! I remember just one month ago today I was tossing and turing the night before my departure mostly nervous/scared, and part excited to take off on the plane all by myself the next day. Now I look back at that girl, and see that my mentality has changed...I no longer fear a new adventure, I jump on board grab a paddle and head towards the horizon. I couldn't be more grateful for my new perception of my reality. 

     This has brought me to think about the idea of fear. Many of us (including me for my entire life before this trip) live within our comfort zone. Its safe, reliable, and little changes here and there do not throw you off balance. It's a nice place to be, why would you want to change things and jump into the unknown? But I have learned that we can only truly learn about ourselves when we take that leap of faith, and jump clear out of that comfort zone. Believe it or not but all the magic happens when you push yourself outside of your little box of comfort. I would always only dip my feet into the water of the unknown, still having the security of the shore. I would always test the water never jumping in because I was to afraid of how cold it would be. I learned things about myself sitting safe on the shore and thinking, but always to nervous to take the plunge because I could not see the other side of my fear. This happened to me so many times. I would stress myself out, work endless hours, worry, worry, and stress some more. It worked for me. I accomplished a college degree, decent jobs, saved a little, and formulated a plan for my future. But still I never jumped all because I couldn't see past that immobilizing fear of the unknown. This is one thing I learned from my travel thus far. Sometimes I do not know what I am going to do that day, or where I will sleep tomorrow night. When I was in Bali driving a motor bike I would make a left turn with 10 other motor bikes and 3 cars (onto a one lane, one way road) not knowing how we would all fit...but somehow it always works out. I just had to not hesitate, and make the turn.

     For me, this trip was my jump off the ledge and into the cold water. I could not see the other shore, but once I jumped in I feel like swimming to the other side is so easy I do not know why the fear every paralyzed me in the first place. I no longer have fear, I know that I can handle what the new days brings. Once I took the plunge, exploring the possibilities the world has to offer seems endless. There is so much to take in, I do not want to come home after 5 months. I look out to the sky, realize that   the world has open arms, and I will no longer let myself be fearful from the unknown. This is a new me, and I know this is only the beginning. :) 

     As I sit here waiting for my flight, I also watch the faces that pass by. Sometimes simply sitting back and watching will teach you more than trying to constantly plug in and occupy yourself. First thing I notice is that everyone either sits alone at their own table. I wonder if anyone thinks about their unknown. Maybe some of these people are on a journey like mine, conquering their own fears and challenges. Maybe they already have jumped out of their comfort zone, but the reality of everyday life has made that person fall back into simplicity of a comfort zone. What have these others experienced, what could I learn from them? We all look like we are occupied but when the other person is not paying attention, we are all looking at each other. I look at others at the tables around me, at the people that pass by, and I wonder what brought them to be at this airport at this specific time. It is fun to take a moment to stop, watch, and imagine.  

A New Perception

     I am a traveller. I am seeing every place I go in a short amount of time, like a blink of an eye. I only get a small glimpse of each place I stay, and only from the perspective of someone passing through. I never get the chance to really be part of a culture, to breathe in the essence of a people. Just 3 days ago I believed this was the best way to experience the world. Try to fit as much in to the few days you spend in each place while traveling, and you will take in many cultures as well as learn about yourself. My views have changed. 

    As I mentioned before I came to the Philippines to pass through and spend as much time with one of my best friends Ali Silva. She is stationed here as a Peace Corps Volunteer. I really had no plans beforehand. All I knew was the people of the Philippines are extremely warmhearted, loving, and overall a beautiful people. My first few days I got sucked up by the city, and only got to experience this when I met Ali's Filipino family 5 days after I arrived. I then made my way back to the city to spend a few days at a youth hostel while Ali spent the week at work. My first two days were wonderful. I had wonderful conversations with so many people at the hostel, and learned a lot about other people's travels (and got suggestions for the next countries I would visit). I spent a day on a Filipino boat snorkeling on a completely protected island where the reef was one of the healthiest in the world. It was all a good time. Then Ali came into town for dinner. We began talking about traveling versus experiencing a country by living there for an extended period of time. Ali said that she was not really interested in traveling and would rather spend anywhere between a month to a year or more in one place, not really to travel around. I told her that she should not make that judgement until she actually tries traveling, because it is fantastic, especially traveling alone! We could not agree, so I did not push the issue, I simply agreed to disagree. Then I began to read. 

     Ali let me borrow a book given to her by the Peace Corps during her first week of training; it is called "Plundering Paradise: the struggle for the environment in the Philippines". If I could suggest any book to someone traveling through the Philippines it would be this book. Its not a pleasant read, but I could not put it down. Actually I recommend you read this book if you have the chance where ever you are in this world. I had no idea about any of the issues in the Philippines, and I would have went on completely oblivious to the world around me. Yes its a sad world when I began to pay attention, but there is also so much beauty in the power of people. If there are passionate environmentalists in this world, you will find many of them right here in the Philippines. What makes me the saddest is that I have gone my whole life and never had the Philippines cross my mind. I know that there is not much I can do, but what I can do is use my voice. Most people do not know a thing about this country, and the fact is it is a beautiful place but extremely poor. That fact is that we can do more for this country by coming here bringing tourism (and not being afraid of typhoons), being aware of companies that use the Philippines for unsustainable product growth and manufacture, and help further programs that work with the impoverished children and families. I know that everyone has their own lives, with their own problems and worries, but even just educating yourself in issues in other countries could make you a much more sustainable consumer. This alone could help a place like the Philippines. And don't get me wrong, it isn't always a sad story! Quite the opposite! The story of the Filipino environmentalists is an inspirational one, and will help you to take a step back and realize that the term "eco-conscious" is very different for rich societies versus very poor societies. All-in-all though you will have a new found appreciation and education on what it means to be an environmentalist from a poor or indigenous man's prospective. Being eco-conscious isn't always about buying organic food, shopping at New Leaf, wearing hemp clothes, and putting sun panels up on your roof. 

     All this information many travelers seem to miss as they come through this beautiful country. Talking to other travelers after what I learned from Ali is what made me shift my perception. I saw the world through a travelers eyes, she saw the bigger picture...the world through the eyes of the people. Once I realized that most people come through the Philippines to party at night, lounge around on pristine beaches, and see some of the worlds most beautiful coral reefs without paying any attention to the country itself my mentality shifted. How many countries have I turned a blind eye to just because I was on vacation, and wanted to lie on a beach? Granted that is a wonderful thing to do and I do not need to understand the history and politics behind each country I visit, but am I really learning anything from my travels? Have I taken on anything that I can carry with me throughout my life to make me a better person, to make me understand my place in the world and how I can better it for future generations?

     This is why I have to thank Miss Ali Sliva, for opening my eyes. I was just a traveler before, and now she has made me see how wonderful it is to really take in a culture. Its not about how many times you can blink, but rather how much you can see if you just take a moment to look around. I also have to thank Ali for the amazing work she does here as a Peace Corps Volunteer, but most importantly the passion she has shared with me about this country. Without her I would have not seen the Philippines in the same light. Also, the work she currently does in costal resource management really shows her passion for the people of her province, and I know that in a few years she will have created new projects for the people of this province to bring in sustainable revenue. In a small way she is shifting the environmental destruction that happened over the past 60 years to a new sustainable revenue. It is people like the Peace Corps Volunteers that are really out there changing the world, if we pay closer attention we could too even in little ways. 

My first experiences in the Philippines

      I have never thought twice about the Philippines. Honestly I had no clue about the country until one of my best friends from college was told she was to be stationed here for two years working in the Peace Corps. Even after she had been here for months the Philippines never crossed my radar, until Typhoon Yolanda. When I heard the news the world stopped. Ali (my friend) was in the country and I had no idea if she was hit by the storm or not. I contacted her family trying to get any news about her, and eventually after a day or two of waiting I heard that the storm hit the island of Leyte completely tearing down the city of Tacloban. Ali was stationed on the island of Negros, two islands to the west where the worst they felt was some rain and a brown-out. I felt like I could breath again. I asked how I could help but I never heard anything, except that I could give money to the Red Cross relief efforts. Then life went on...the sun rose the next morning, and the Philippines shifted to the back of my mind. This I have come to realize is how the whole world approached the destruction of Tacloban, even the Philippines itself.  

     As I went on about my life and my travels, the Philippines did not come back into my mind until it was time to leave from Bali and come to the Visayas. I arrived in Cebu City only to be brought out of my Bali bliss and brought back into reality. Street children, beggars, dirty streets, polluted air, and people trying to sell you cheap trinkets left and right. As I tallied up the spending from Bali I began to worry about money, I realized I spent to much starting out. Turns out cheap things add up a lot faster than expensive items. I decided to go out for a walk and clear my head. My hotel ended up right next to 3 historical landmarks of Cebu City. I visited the Historical Santo Niño Church, and Magellan's Cross. This was the first cross erected in the Philippines and where the spanish first brought Catholicism to the country. I got to share my experience with huge groups of school children coming to these landmarks on field trips. I walked for a bit downtown through all the cheap shopping, which reminded so much of downtown L.A. Walking around and spending time immersing myself in the religious history of the Philippines calmed me down, and I was able to ground myself in the new city environment. Over the next few days I visited many other sites in the city: Jumalon Butterfly Sanctuary (an oasis to escape to in the big city), Casa Gorordo Museum, the Taoist Temple, and Fort San Pedro (the other landmark right next to my hotel). My favorite was the Jumalon Butterfly Sanctuary where I got to see our tour guide's passion about butterflies. I learned about the late "professor", Julian Jumbalon (1909-2000), who started the sanctuary was a native Cebuano and passionate butterfly collector. In one part of the sanctuary was all of his paintings, or better yet butterfly art work! He would take the broken and damaged wings of dead butterflies, and turn them into beautiful art pieces. I will attach some pictures below, look closely and see if you can tell which ones are made entirely of butterfly wings! He would even inscribe his name with beautiful bright wings. In my opinion, the best kind of recycling nature could ask for! 

     I also made new friends in the city who treated me to dinners and brunch, happy to get to know foreigners. I loved it because I believe the best way to see any city is to make friends with the locals and experience the city or town the way they know it. I felt like every time I walked outside of my hotel doors the city swept me up for 6-8 hours at a time! New people, new experiences, and all this history to take in. There was no time to rest! It was a completely different energy than the nourishing, lazy town of Ubud gives you. Then the day came when I was to see Ali again for the first time in 7 months. I had not seen her since the end of June 2013. The reunion was fantastic, there was so much hugging and excitement I could not believe she was finally here right in front of me! We went out to dinner, and then back to hotel to try to get some sleep for our early start the next day. Although we did not end up sleeping until around midnight because we could not stop talking. 7 months apart leaves a lot to catch up on! Regardless, we had to be up by 3:30am to head to the start line of the "Fast Forward Faster" race at the Ayala Center Mall the next day. We ran the race like champs, I finished somewhere in the top fifty (half running, half walking the 5K), while Ali the real champion finished 3rd in the 10K! It was so exciting to see her place in the race, and win that prize money! The race was a lot of fun, and especially good to know that all the proceeds were going to be sent to relief aid for the typhoon Yolanda victims. It was something little, but being part of the hundreds who were here running the race for the victims of the typhoon made me feel that in a small way I was doing something. 

     We had a lovely morning after the race with breakfast, and massages before heading back to Dumaguete on the Island of Negros. I spent the night with Ali's Filipino family, who welcomed me with open arms and warm hearts. The next day Ali was able to get off work and show me around her town before taking me back into Dumaguete where I would stay for a few days while she went to work for the week. We talked about everything: her placement, how much she loves the Philippines, Peace Corps, the typhoon, etc. It seemed unreal to have her by my side again, and chit-chatting like we were living back in Santa Cruz. I brought up the typhoon because I was curious, and we have not really been able to communicate due to the fact that she has limited (or often times) no internet out in the provinces where she works. She has to take the bus or a jeepney into Dumaguete to get good internet. I asked her what it was like for her to go through that, and if there is anything I could do during my time here to help. I had applied to work with Oxfam before I left the USA, but had heard no response. She said it just felt like any other storm here in the Philippines, and that she had been through many typhoons already during her time here. It is just the way of life. She had 3 friends on the island of Leyte who were in the eye of the storm, and told me their story. One of them wrote about it in his blog, http://amhoran.tumblr.com/ (read the entry "When the Wind Blew Hard"). I asked her if she was sent to help, or what kind of relief work could be done. She told me basically that there was little she did or could do. Life goes on, especially here in the Philippines. People just survive through whatever is blown their way. The resilience of the Filipino people is absolutely astounding. A city gets knocked down by an earthquake, the people get up the next morning and re-build. If a typhoon washes away a city, the people consolidate and preserver with little help from the outside. There was some relief efforts and money put into helping the victims of Tacloban, but for the most part life went on. The country is just to poor to try to help outside your own small town. 

      Life is just different here. On our bus ride over from Cebu City to Dumaguete we saw a man who had crashed on his motorbike, and was lying in the middle of the road unable to get up. No one stopped, no ambulance sirens blaring in the distance,  people just drove by slowly. The Filipino people are amazingly warmhearted, caring, and will welcome you with open arms, but when it comes to disaster or accidents you are essentially on your own. It is a sad reality, but the outcome of a impoverished nation. It makes me step back and think twice about where I come from, and my everyday reality. Seeing how a third world country lives day-to-day makes me appreciate everything I have, and have been able to attain in my life thus far. I could have been born anywhere, to any family, in a number of different circumstances. I could not have been more lucky to wear the shoes I do today. What makes me any different than the child begging on the street corner? We both have the equal right to be here in this world. Even though I can not help every soul I meet, I can learn a deep sense of gratitude for everything I have. I only hope that I will be able to instill this feeling deeper as my travels continue, and carry it with me for the rest of my life. Because if there are only two qualities I can attain from my travels, it would be to learn to be humble and always honest. If I can be the example of these qualities and even pass it on to one other person, I will feel I have achieved something immeasurable with my life.  

Goodbye Bali

    The first part of my trip is now behind me, and as I head to the Philippines I remember all the wonderful things about my experience in Bali. I spent most of my time in Ubud, and smaller town in central Bali. It is a very touristy place (and a "destination" because of the book Eat, Pray, Love), but I will always have a special place in my heart for Bali. It is the first place I have travelled to since being diagnosed with IBS, where I had no problems eating. This is HUGE for me. I forgot what it was like to travel and actually be comfortable. Eating has always been a challenge for me when I travel, thus making travel always stressful. I cannot even explain the happiness and comfort I felt these last two weeks. For this reason Bali (especially Ubud) will always be a place I know I can come and nourish myself. 

     In retrospect, Ubud is probably the best place to land when you get to Bali and then from there you can figure out what you want to do. Figure out if you want to spend your time lounging on beaches, or spending time in nature. Bali can offer all of the above and more. Maybe head to Lovina and stay in the mountains, and rice patties for more nature. Or possibly head to Nusa Lembongang or the Gilis for a whole lot of peaceful island time. The best thing you can do in Bali is rent a motorbike. If you don't know how to ride one, it's time for you to learn. No argument, you will not appreciate Bali in the same way unless you jump on a bike and have adventures all day, everyday. Take any and every road you can, and get hopelessly lost (just make sure you have a compass to get yourself going back in the right direction). I also loved the time I spent out on the islands, which was pure playtime. I will have to write a little blog about those adventures, so stay posted. Get massages every other day (it only costs $8 for a full hour), and nourish your body. Make sure to eat at the Bali Buddha, Alchemy (at least once, its a little expensive), Clear Cafe, and try to stay in a guesthouse off the beating track and get yourself some authentic Indonesian food. I stayed at a nice guesthouse about 10 min drive out of the town center in Ubud called the Alang Alang Guesthouse. This is run by Fujita and Ketut, and is a really nice place to stay! You will definitely have to rent a motor bike, or you taxi rides in and out of town will cost you $10+ a day. Ketut's daughter in law makes a wonderful Nasi Goreng (an Indonesian fried rice), and the island's best Cap-cay (a soup-like vegetable dish). Even after staying here for 4 nights I had to come back my last few days just to get lunch here again. Almost everyone speaks decent english so you will have no problems getting by with any food restrictions. I chose not to take any yoga classes because it was all american prices, about $13 a class was the cheapest I found in Ubud, but that is a great option if you want to pay for it. Overall Bali was absolutely amazing, and I feel I am the luckiest girl in the world that I got to come here to visit this island, and meet all the people I did. I cannot be more grateful that Bali was my first stop, I will forever long to be riding along the small streets through the rice patties and sprawling green terrain of Bali's countryside. Thank you Bali for the most wonderful start to my journey!

The Beginnings of a Spiritual Journey

    Three days before I left Bali I took my first baby steps in my own spiritual journey, and by the end of my time in Bali I felt as if I had taken huge leaps towards my own spirtual awakening. One morning I woke up as the sun was just begining to stretch its arms over the horizon, and jumped on my motorbike to get to Anand Ashram for morning devotionals. I began the morning in the Asram's chapel listening to hindi mantras. After that mediation I joined in on the fire ceremony for spirtual and physical cleansing. This was my favorite part of the entire morning. Sticks of wood were placed in a particular pattern, and then as they were burned a mantra was chanted by the woman who was in charge of the Ashram. At certian points in the mantra all the participants would offer up a sacrifice of seeds and spices to the fire pinch by pinch. At the end of the fire a powder was poured over it which caused it to smoke. This smoke was special because it has antibacterial properties and actually cleanses the air! After the fire ceremony there was a "yoga class", which was really more a "stretching" for mediation type of thing. I recognized a few of the poses, but there was nothing really familiar that linked the poses. Then after yoga I had to make my donation and clear out of the ashram. 

     I am glad I went to this morning's ceremony, but to be honest I did not feel welcome at the Asram. I really like the environment and the ashram is beautiful, but the woman running it seemed to not appriciate visitors. I got the feeling that this was more of an "ashram resort" for people who wanted to stay in a more spiritual setting. Not really the place for spiritual seekers like what I was doing. Maybe next time I will get the chance to stay, or even possibily run the yoga classes! Who knows what life may offer me, but next time I will be in Bali I will be certified with my 200 RYT training. Overall my exeprience at the ashram was not the most nourishing, so I decided to go for a nice long bike ride through the rice fields. With the sun tickling my skin and the wind rushing through my hair I immediately felt the happiness spread throughout me. It washed away any negative feelings I had from the Ashram, and made my heart feel light again. 

      Around lunchtime I decided to venture out and find the much sought out "alchemy salads". I had no idea how to get to this restaurant Alchemy, so I had to ask a tourist guide which helped a little. I had a good sense of Ubud now, so his confusing directions of straight, right, right, left, straight, sharp left, etc. actually made a little sense. Eventually I found the restaurant, and it was even better than I could ever have imagined! I'll have to tell you about it in another post though because it was in the act of finding Alchemy that I decided to venture further, and down the street I found the Raja Yogi Meditation Center. 

     I feel I am so lucky that I happened to stumble across this Meditasi Center. There are hundreds of these centers all over the world, and can be found through their website: www.bkwsu.org. They do a type of meditation called Raja meditation, which is soul-conscious, open eyed meditation. When I first found the center they were not open so I came back at 5pm to check it out. I was taken in by Sister Puntang, and shown the center. She told me to come back for class at 7:15pm. It was great that I found the class on a monday, because they do a free 5 day meditation course beginning every monday! I went next door to grab dinner, then came back for class. In class I learned about the foundation of Raja Yoga Meditation, and how these yogis practice becoming soul conscious in everyday life. They practice meditation with their eyes open so that as everyday hardships and challenges come about you can meditate and go inward doing any activity (when at work, cooking, cleaning, caring for children, etc.). Meditating with your eyes open is actually very challenging! Its going to take me some practice be able to get it. Sister Puntang told me that I can begin by having my eyes closed and work towards having my eyes open. After I learned the basic concepts of the soul, and God's soul she put on a guided meditation for me to practice with before i left back home for the night. I think the most wonderful thing that happened that night though was the fact that she addressed me as "Sister Layla". Having her say address me like that took away all my hopelessness about my lack in spiritual findings. I had finally taken my first steps in my spiritual journey, and found a group of people who cherished my presence and welcomed me as a spiritual seeker. I felt a sense of purity and light emitting from Sister Puntang from the moment I met her, and I could not be happier that she became my teacher. 

     I know that I will find many more spiritual teachers, and soul searching travelers throughout my journey so I will keep my heart open. I will take in everything I learn from everyone I meet. I will now practice Raja Meditation along with my yoga and meditation practice everyday. I am so excited to incorporate all of my spiritual findings into my life, and hope that I never stop learning. Why close yourself off to one religion when the whole world is out there? Its such a beautiful existence to have religious blinders on for your entire life...so, open up your eyes, and lift your heart. If you look beyond the horizon you will find the most beautiful things, and learn to cherish aspects from many religions. The world and its people are so amazing, but its not until you open your eyes and leap outside your comfort zone that you can begin to see.