I feel as if this trip has slowly been challenging me in small ways to conquer things, situations, feelings, emotions, and past experiences that have always set me back before. Its seems that new situations have come about during this journey that force me to face the challenges described above. For example I have always had a problem with eating, and being able to eat certain foods. It became part of my identity. I had this idea tied so closely with myself that I gave absolutely no room for change. Turned out that with some shift of perception and conquering my phobia I was able to overcome such a disabling food restriction. The world opened up to me!
Today I am challenged to look at my perception of money. I do not know where I managed to attain my anxiety and obsession with money, but somewhere during my childhood I became so concerned with money as a means of security. I realized that it is not an obsession with getting money, but rather an absolute fear of being left with nothing. I can work myself so hard, and budget everything down to the penny carefully making sure that I have a reserve in case anything goes wrong. Then come the mistakes, or big money purchases (car repair, insurance, health, outrageous shopping sprees, etc.) and the stress settles in. ESPECIALLY when you have no job to back up the purchase. Truth is money is like the ocean, the tide comes in bringing glorious amount of cool water to wash over you toes, and then it also recedes leaving you with nothing but annoying sand under your toenails.
If we all know the basic facts about money, why does it haunt us so when we make a mistake? The night you lost your iPhone at the club, the clothes you bought that you won't really use, the dinner with your friends that got a little out of hand...you sometimes wish you can go back and live that night/day again so you do not make the mistake. In observing myself, there are a few things you have to sit down and understand in order to overcome these feelings of regret.
FIRST: Identify the problem. What is it that is causing your regret? Write it down and be specific. When you have those penetrating negative thoughts ask yourself is it about the money or the situation you were in? Be specific and write it all down.
SECOND: Identify why you made the choice you did, doesn't matter how you got there just be totally honest with yourself.
THIRD: Create "The Plan". How are you going to make up for the loss? Where can you earn a little more, or save a little more? Create a specific plan on a small sheet of paper that you can carry around with you to look at when those negative thoughts come back to haunt you uncontrollably. And I mean every time you get those thoughts pull out that sheet of paper with your plan and read it aloud.
FOURTH: Take another piece of paper and now write down the positives of the situation. Write down everything good about what happened, and anything that triggered happiness when you were there. Chances are the mistake happened when you were feeling happy, calm, and comfortable. This is important too, write it down.
FIFTH: On that same piece of paper now write down how you will approach the situation next time. Simple, straight forward, with no negativity towards yourself.
NOW embrace it, and know that life will again balance itself out.
Truth is we have to take the losses in life as happily as we take the gains. Knowing that we have the power to do this is the challenge. Money will always come and go, but time will always go. There is no time to waste on blaming yourself for stupidity and beating yourself up. Today I will embrace my mistake and lose like a champion. Tomorrow I will "win" a new piece of mind. :)
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