Blind Awareness

          As I sit here writing this I can hear the sounds of the birds playing in the trees, the water running along in the creek below, and can take a deep breath of sweet fresh air. I look up to see a beautiful mountainside covered in green trees and bush. Then I hear the trucks pass horns blaring on the road just ahead, and my thoughts are carried with the truck speeding towards the city center. I see trash littered everywhere, and can smell burning plastic as another truck speeds past spouting a huge diesel cloud right where I am standing. I begin to think about blind awareness. Travelers often have a saying: "There is the rest of the world, and then there is India". As you walk the streets in India you cannot help but wonder about this blind awareness that all Indians seem to take when it comes to the environment. 

 One of my peers brought up in class one day why people here cannot see the difference between their own space, and the greater space when it comes to getting rid of rubbish. I have witnessed it countless times while being here in Rishekish (one of the cleaner cities in north India), people simply throwing their trash onto the street directly in front of them. I do not understand why people here cannot distinguish the difference between "their" space and a space for trash. People will sweep up the steps to their shops to make it clean and presentable, only then to eat potato chips and throw the bag in street in front of the shop. How does this make any sense? 

Then, I began thinking how nice it is to have a trash system at home in the US, but even though the system is in place where does my trash go? To a big heap 5 miles outside of the city? Is the system I know really any better? The Indian's might have a blind awareness to what is right in front of them on the streets, but in reality don't we all have a blind awareness to the waste we put out there? Just like the Yakshasas and their king Kubera in Indian mythology, we consume, consume, and still want more need more. What about all our waste? I learned today that there is little difference between what I see here in India, and the way we "get rid" of our waste anywhere else in the world. There is only a different concept of space. We are all the same in so many ways...it was only as I began to travel the world that I see we all have this blind awareness. All space is "our" space, and we are no different than our neighbors.

Two Weeks in the arms of Mama India

    I have arrived. After two months of traveling and talking about India, dreaming about what it could be like...now I am here in her arms. My transition to India has been nothing but sweet, welcoming, and filled with happiness. When I landed in New Delhi I could barely keep myself standing in line at customs because I knew that my brother was waiting for me just outside the airport. I was beside myself in excitement, the customs process seemed to go at a snails pace. I had not seen him in 7 months! The reunion was wonderful, and to have that as my first experience coming into India began my trip with the greatest energy I could have ever asked for. Anyone who has spent quality time with Joseph will know that whatever you are feeling his energy will just lift you higher. I become so happy when he is around, so excited on the little things in life, and filled with positive energy. If I could name one person who is my inspiration in this world it would be my younger brother. I cherish him in every way, value our friendship more than words can express, and hope one day to be able to see the world the way he does.

     We spent the next day in Delhi shopping, eating excellent Chana Masala, and spending time in the company of great friends. I had the pleasure of meeting a close friend of Nikki and Joe from Bangalore, Shulabh. Having Shulabh show us around one of Delhi's great social spots made my first experience of that crazy city a wonderful and charming one. Shulabh is so kind, friendly, and generous I was sad to leave. Hopefully we get to come back to Delhi and reconnect, our time together was too short. The next day we were off to Hyridwar by train, then a short car ride into Rishikesh. Once we arrived at Rishikesh Sadan Guesthouse (where Jeevmoksha Yoga Institute is located) we settled down in our rooms before venturing out into town. We had delicious chana masala for lunch, which was really a surprise because we have only had Chana 1 other time in our entire stay at Jeevmoksha Institute, and then went for a stroll before the sunset. 

     Our yoga studies began straight away the next morning promptly at 7am, with morning practice. After morning practice we have breakfast and tea before our yoga philosophy class from 10:30-12:30. We then eat lunch at 1:30, I usually have a nap, then practical yoga asana class from 4:30-6:30pm. This has been our schedule for the past few weeks. We do get sundays off, but my first two were spent in bed because I have had a nasty cold I couldn't quite kick. I am just beginning to feel better now thankfully! I am sure though that doing this intensive yoga has played its part in bringing out a whole lot of built up toxins, and my body becoming sick in new ways for two weeks time is simply another obstacle I must overcome. We cannot let the little obstacles keep us held back on our individual paths to greater self-realization and enlightenment. Keep up and you will be kept up! 

     Overall India has been gentle, nourishing, and welcoming to me these past two weeks. I could not have asked for a better introduction to this amazing country. Being surrounded by nature, fresh air, and the beautiful milky blue waters of the Gangaji has deeply embedded a strong love for India. I have only been here a short while but I will always have the experience of Rishikesh in my heart to go back to when the cities get frustrating. I only hope that I can learn with time and patience to look past all of the "dis-comforts" in the other parts of the country, and see the beautiful colorful chaos which makes India so special. 

Life's Mistakes and Triumphs

       I feel as if this trip has slowly been challenging me in small ways to conquer things, situations, feelings, emotions, and past experiences that have always set me back before. Its seems that new situations have come about during this journey that force me to face the challenges described above. For example I have always had a problem with eating, and being able to eat certain foods. It became part of my identity. I had this idea tied so closely with myself that I gave absolutely no room for change. Turned out that with some shift of perception and conquering my phobia I was able to overcome such a disabling food restriction. The world opened up to me!

Today I am challenged to look at my perception of money. I do not know where I managed to attain my anxiety and obsession with money, but somewhere during my childhood I became so concerned with money as a means of security. I realized that it is not an obsession with getting money, but rather an absolute fear of being left with nothing. I can work myself so hard, and budget everything down to the penny carefully making sure that I have a reserve in case anything goes wrong. Then come the mistakes, or big money purchases (car repair, insurance, health, outrageous shopping sprees, etc.) and the stress settles in. ESPECIALLY when you have no job to back up the purchase. Truth is money is like the ocean, the tide comes in bringing glorious amount of cool water to wash over you toes, and then it also recedes leaving you with nothing but annoying sand under your toenails. 

If we all know the basic facts about money, why does it haunt us so when we make a mistake? The night you lost your iPhone at the club, the clothes you bought that you won't really use, the dinner with your friends that got a little out of hand...you sometimes wish you can go back and live that night/day again so you do not make the mistake. In observing myself, there are a few things you have to sit down and understand in order to overcome these feelings of regret.

FIRST: Identify the problem. What is it that is causing your regret? Write it down and be specific. When you have those penetrating negative thoughts ask yourself is it about the money or the situation you were in? Be specific and write it all down.

SECOND: Identify why you made the choice you did, doesn't matter how you got there just be totally honest with yourself.

THIRD: Create "The Plan". How are you going to make up for the loss? Where can you earn a little more, or save a little more? Create a specific plan on a small sheet of paper that you can carry around with you to look at when those negative thoughts come back to haunt you uncontrollably. And I mean every time you get those thoughts pull out that sheet of paper with your plan and read it aloud. 

FOURTH: Take another piece of paper and now write down the positives of the situation. Write down everything good about what happened, and anything that triggered happiness when you were there. Chances are the mistake happened when you were feeling happy, calm, and comfortable. This is important too, write it down.

FIFTH: On that same piece of paper now write down how you will approach the situation next time. Simple, straight forward, with no negativity towards yourself. 

NOW embrace it, and know that life will again balance itself out. 

Truth is we have to take the losses in life as happily as we take the gains. Knowing that we have the power to do this is the challenge. Money will always come and go, but time will always go. There is no time to waste on blaming yourself for stupidity and beating yourself up. Today I will embrace my mistake and lose like a champion. Tomorrow I will "win" a new piece of mind. :)  

And Just Like That...

     my views on Vietnam changed. Changed for the better! I am now a firm believer that the energy you put out there is exactly the energy you shall receive. Go around nervous and you will only see the scary, go around smiling you will draw in those who are happy. Today was such a wonderful day, I cannot believe that it happened to me, really...and to believe that I had in a way given up in Vietnam. 

     This morning I woke up cold and tired in a not-so-great hotel, only to have a small baguette and a banana for breakfast with a heaping serving of horrible customer service. I did get a second cup of tea out of the mean reception lady/breakfast server; there is a silver lining in everything it seems! Then I had a wonderful and charming bus ride with my new friend from Barcelona, Fredi. He told me that Barcelona had beat Manchester United 2-0 yesterday, whoop whoop! He recently graduated from med school and is traveling with 9 of his friends. Sadly we were separated during our boat rides back to Halong harbor, but now I have new friends in Barcelona I am definitely planning on visiting. 

     After a 3.5 hour bus ride back to Hanoi from Halong Harbor dreaming about studying spanish in Spain and getting down on North Vietnam (excited that my bus out of here would leave tonight), I arrived in Hanoi back to the travel agency. I ditched all my stuff for two hours at the agency and went to walk around one final time in Old Quarter. Within 20 minutes I found a place to eat Che and found the doughnut lady. These doughnuts have become my new obsession because they are so delicious. I cannot seem to get enough of them! Che is a warm sweet treat that you can buy for less than a $1 a bowl. There are so many different options I am not sure how to describe them all. My two favorites are the black bean warm soupy one, and the one with the big white glutenous rice balls.  After getting my sweet fix, I decided to go for some peaceful time by the lake right next to old quarter. 

     Here I was just sitting down enjoying the blue sky (I was so amazed that I could actually see the sky, it was bitter cold and really cloudy last time I was in Hanoi) when two boys my age came up and asked if they could talk to me. They were Vietnamese, and to be honest at first I was a little sketched out because I had already affirmed in my mind that I did not really like the northerners. Boy was I wrong! These two boys really did just want to talk with me, only to improve their english. Within 10 minutes of walking we also met up with Tan's cousins (one of the boys) who was also very friendly. I immediately felt more comfortable because she was a girl, and spoke english quite well. Tam and his cousin Quynh told me how they practice speaking english as often as they can because in order to get a good job here in Vietnam you have to speak english. We talked about our families, interests, what we have studied, and of course why I am traveling alone. I think the only place I was not constantly asked if I had a companion was in Bali. I guess more people travel alone in Bali. We chatted all the way back to Old Quarter where we all sat down for some dinner. I asked them to take me to a place that served their favorite food, and we ate some really really delicious rice and chicken. If I could remember what it was called I would tell you, but I do not know any of the names of food here except Pho Bo (noodles and beef), Pho Ga (Noodles and chicken), and Pho Ca (noodles and fish). The language is pretty difficult for me to retain.  

     After dinner they walked me back to the street to tour agency was on, where I was picked up by a motor taxi to grab my bus to Dong Hoa. I am so glad Tan and his friend came up to me by the lake and asked to have a chat, because it really made my day! If I did not have the chance to meet them I would have probably left northern Vietnam not very impressed with its people, and probably would have never come back. Now my whole perception has changed, and Quynh even invited me to come to her family's house and celebrate the next Tet (Vietnamese New Year) with her! I feel so lucky that I was able to leave Hanoi on a happy note, and I know that I will have to return one day to see my new friends. 

Glorious Sapa and its Downfall

      During my trip in Vietnam I visited Sapa in the northwest region of the country. As it is the end of winter it is absolutely freezing there, I even had to buy a new NorthFace Jacket! Sapa was worth every shiver though, because trekking through the rice patties all up and down the mountains was one of the most beautiful landscapes I have seen on my trip thus far. I thought I had seen and experienced vast amounts of rice fields in Bali, but I have to tell you Bali has nothing on Sapa. We did most of our trekking through the mist and clouds only beginning to see the landscape when we descended to the valley underneath the cloud cover. The journey was also so joyous because of the wonderful friends I got to hike with over the 3 day period. Jocelyn, Geeske, Constanza, Smiljan, and Valérie were the best group I could ask for to explore this amazing terrain. I cannot be more grateful for the wonderful friends I have been making on this trip, and even though we only spent a day or two together you will forever be in my heart. 

The trip to Sapa was not all butterflies and rainbows sadly. There is a really annoying side to this beautiful place that will probably prevent me from coming back: it is the indigenous women of the Sapa villages. If there is any one place in Vietnam I have felt like a dollar sign, it was here. I fear this will be Sapa's downfall, something that these indigenous people I fear will not grasp until it is to late. As a tourist you are constantly badgered by the women of Sapa to buy little trinkets such as: bags, wallets, coin purses, bracelets, decorative wall fabrics, etc. When I say they will not leave you alone until you buy something I mean it. After 3 days of this you get so fed up, and the only words out of my mouth when I had to walk through town was "No Shopping, No shopping, No!". These women will hike with you for hours on end, and follow you around town as you are trying to enjoy time to yourself sometimes for 45 min or longer trying to get a sale out of you. Even when we were eating during our trek through the villages we would be badgered by "shopping? shopping? buy something from me? why you buy something from her and not me? shopping?", and they would be constantly be shoving products in front of you trying to get you to buy something, anything. Even the small village children would be selling stuff, mostly bracelets. It was kind of sad to see that these kids were following us all day to try to get a $.50 sale when they should have been playing and acting like kids! I remember Constanza on our 3rd day of trekking asking our guide to please tell the children and women to go away and stop trying to haggle us, but she would not only saying "they understand English, tell them yourself". I suppose they just do not understand that they are digging themselves into a hole, and soon tourists will not come because they are like flies to honey. You are only seen as money to them and after a while it becomes to much...it is so sad because Sapa is one of the most beautiful landscapes I have ever seen.

First Impressions

I have been in Vietnam for 10 days now. I have very mixed feelings about the country, and so far if it was not for all of the new friends I have made on my tours I do not think I would be a happy traveler at all. Vietnam is not at all what I expected. Okay first off I should not say Vietnam so vaguely...all I can really say is north Vietnam is not what I expected, and I really hope the people in the south are far more friendly, helpful, and interactive. I supposed my first problem is that I idealized north Vietnam, and thought it would be this wonderful nourishing place where I could really absorb the culture. Nope. Not. At. All. 

     The north Vietnamese are not the kindest people. They keep to themselves, pump tourists for money, lie, and do not try in the least to understand you if you speak their language. Also hardly anyone (outside of a tourist office) speaks english. I feel like I was tossed into a huge city, could not get around, and could not understand anything. It was a bit overwhelming, but I did not let it get to me. Plus it is really cold here, so my mind was really on keeping warm which really helped me focus on something else besides the negative. I am pretty sure the Vietnamese people have no idea what a heater is...I have yet to find one in this country. Which really makes me wonder how all these hotels dry their bed sheets and blankets...

     Anyway without going into to much detail, not being able to communicate, get much help from the people here, read signs, constantly being overcharged for everything, and harassed by a taxi driver (who cheated me in the first place) put me in a very sour mood about the northerners. I had heard good things from other travelers who had come from the south, and am hoping it is a bit better down there. I have made so many new friends on my trips out to Sapa and Ha Long Bay, and could not be more thankful that they push all the tourists into pre-booked tours, because I have met some wonderful people this way. Even if we only know each other for a day or two, the conversations and stories we share are priceless. I wish I could always live like this, and meet people left and right every day. I think I am going to have to extend my travels for another year because this is such a wonderful way to live I wish it never had to end!    

     After visiting the breathtaking rice "mountains" of Sapa, and seeing the thousands of islands (or "blobs" as my new friend Sophie would put it) coming up from the sea like the floating mountains in Avatar, I headed back to Hanoi to catch a bus a little further south to Dong Hoa. Both my adventures seemed surreal, I am so happy I braved the cold and decided to go on both these trips. Even though my experience with Vietnam thus far has not be ideal, I have to give it to the Vietnamese for having some of the most delicious cuisine in the world. I can only figure out what I want to eat by actually looking at the food being served, but so far it has worked out okay. I do eat about 100 times better when I have a Vietnamese friend at my side. But, besides my first two days in Vietnam when I stayed with three  young professionals at a homestay, I have yet to make any Vietnamese friends. Cause I don't think that tour guides should count as Vietnamese friends, because they are always amazingly friendly. Hopefully as I venture down south my perception of Vietnam will change for the better, and I will enjoy my stay here.

Waiting, Watching, Imaging

     I'm in the airport again, and I cannot believe I've already completed the second part of this trip. The big five month trip was such a scary thought, but now a whole month has come and gone! I remember just one month ago today I was tossing and turing the night before my departure mostly nervous/scared, and part excited to take off on the plane all by myself the next day. Now I look back at that girl, and see that my mentality has changed...I no longer fear a new adventure, I jump on board grab a paddle and head towards the horizon. I couldn't be more grateful for my new perception of my reality. 

     This has brought me to think about the idea of fear. Many of us (including me for my entire life before this trip) live within our comfort zone. Its safe, reliable, and little changes here and there do not throw you off balance. It's a nice place to be, why would you want to change things and jump into the unknown? But I have learned that we can only truly learn about ourselves when we take that leap of faith, and jump clear out of that comfort zone. Believe it or not but all the magic happens when you push yourself outside of your little box of comfort. I would always only dip my feet into the water of the unknown, still having the security of the shore. I would always test the water never jumping in because I was to afraid of how cold it would be. I learned things about myself sitting safe on the shore and thinking, but always to nervous to take the plunge because I could not see the other side of my fear. This happened to me so many times. I would stress myself out, work endless hours, worry, worry, and stress some more. It worked for me. I accomplished a college degree, decent jobs, saved a little, and formulated a plan for my future. But still I never jumped all because I couldn't see past that immobilizing fear of the unknown. This is one thing I learned from my travel thus far. Sometimes I do not know what I am going to do that day, or where I will sleep tomorrow night. When I was in Bali driving a motor bike I would make a left turn with 10 other motor bikes and 3 cars (onto a one lane, one way road) not knowing how we would all fit...but somehow it always works out. I just had to not hesitate, and make the turn.

     For me, this trip was my jump off the ledge and into the cold water. I could not see the other shore, but once I jumped in I feel like swimming to the other side is so easy I do not know why the fear every paralyzed me in the first place. I no longer have fear, I know that I can handle what the new days brings. Once I took the plunge, exploring the possibilities the world has to offer seems endless. There is so much to take in, I do not want to come home after 5 months. I look out to the sky, realize that   the world has open arms, and I will no longer let myself be fearful from the unknown. This is a new me, and I know this is only the beginning. :) 

     As I sit here waiting for my flight, I also watch the faces that pass by. Sometimes simply sitting back and watching will teach you more than trying to constantly plug in and occupy yourself. First thing I notice is that everyone either sits alone at their own table. I wonder if anyone thinks about their unknown. Maybe some of these people are on a journey like mine, conquering their own fears and challenges. Maybe they already have jumped out of their comfort zone, but the reality of everyday life has made that person fall back into simplicity of a comfort zone. What have these others experienced, what could I learn from them? We all look like we are occupied but when the other person is not paying attention, we are all looking at each other. I look at others at the tables around me, at the people that pass by, and I wonder what brought them to be at this airport at this specific time. It is fun to take a moment to stop, watch, and imagine.