Live in this Moment

Sometimes you just can't speak,

The beauty you see with your heart.

The camera lens clicks away,

But the image is only true in your eyes.

No matter how hard I try,

the beauty of the moment slips away

like water through my fingers.

I take the fake iris away and breathe.

This moment I now have in my lungs,

In every beating of my heart.

It is now a part of me because I stopped trying to keep it forever.

The Second Adventure Begins

     I just couldn't get enough...my plans to travel 5 and a half months has now extended itself to 8 months. To tell you the truth if I had more time I'd take it. Looks like I caught the travel bug and this time its not letting me go. I'm afraid I got this bug for good, any chance I get I'm hopping on a plane and taking off for a new adventure. Being away for 5 months, and meeting all the travelers I have thus far, only showed me what a small portion of the world I have actually seen. That is why I have decided to do a second leg of my big self-exploration journey; now I am in Sri Lanka, and over the next 3 months I will be traveling to Thailand, Cambodia, Costa Rica, and New York before heading back to California to start my masters program. I got accepted in Pacifica Graduate Institute for their program in Marriage & Family Therapy with an emphasis in transpersonal psychology! I am excited to start this program, but at the same time sad that my journey has to end in August. Well, life is all about balance right? Things end, others begin.

I have now been in Sri Lanka for 5 beautiful days. There is no doubt in my heart or mind...this is by far the best country I have traveled to on my journey, and has stolen my heart with its beautiful landscapes and even more beautiful people. I only planned to stay here for 12 days, but I am going to do everything in my power to change my flights so i can extend my time here. It is that good. My father has always been telling me since I was young that when Joseph (my brother) and I grow up he will take all his money and retire in Sri Lanka, and live like a king. I always kept that in the back of my mind, but now that I am in this beautiful country I am thinking that might become my retirement plan as well. What can I say, father always knows best (even though I never seem to want to believe him!).

My journey began in the capital, Colombo. I met two other travelers who loved nature and wildlife as much as I do, and we decided to head to one of the countries national parks (Udawalawe) and Adam's Peak for a hike together. I am always asking the universe to send me love, protection, and wonderful people to learn from on my journey. Then the very first day I began traveling alone again, I meet two of the most amazing people: Christian from Columbia, and Mackenzie from Australia. I could not have asked for better people to travel with and learn from. People like Christian and Mackenzie I have no doubt that no matter how much time or miles may separate us, will be my friends for life. I asked the universe for beautiful people, and I was given the greatest friends I could ask for... I will never underestimate the power of prayer, ask with purity of heart and you shall receive, every time.

Bangalore Sunsets

       

       

       The clouds are like fire, pink vibrant fire. Looking out on Bangalore I couldn't be more grateful for this 30 minutes of peaceful time where it is just me and the sunset. I can hear the call to prayer from all around me, the mosques calling out to their devotees. Then all is quiet. The clouds grow blue, softer, then dark. The city lights begin to wake, illuminating like stars one at a time. I already miss the soft sun, as it fades behind the clouds. It must move on to light another sunrise, and I shall wait sleeping soundly until it's gentle rays tickle my skin awake tomorrow morning. 

Man is a Demon, Man is God

       Have you ever felt that you are a drop in a massive ocean that no matter what you do the current will never change. A single voice in a yelling crowd? Spending time traveling and learning new things everyday from the people I am around I feel so insignificant for affecting any change. Sometimes I learn about something, a pollution or poverty issue, and there are so many alternatives to change the outcome and impact such pollution or poverty has on a specific population or the world at large. Then it just hits me like a tidal wave; the fact that no matter what I do or say will change the way things are, the way people will always greed for resources and money. 

I was always taught as a child that even though I may only be one drop in a vast ocean, every single drop raises the sea level. That change is possible, and one voice speaking the truth can change the way things are. Traveling through these countries I see so much injustice, so many issues, and to many environmental problems that could all be changed if only people cared a little more. Today I learned about the working conditions on cruise ships, and the environmental impact of cargo ships on our precious ocean. That tidal wave of defeat hit again. How can I as an individual change the way I consume to not support these unjust and environmentally destructive industries. I cannot. I can reduce, reuse, and recycle, but at the end of the day no matter how hard I try I will always have to utilize something that is created or transported from such industries. 

That is when the realization came. As I was reading the phrase immediately resonated with me: Man is a Demon, Man is a God. Both are true, humankind has so much potential and creation power, yet we take everything for granted and hardly look at the consequences of our progressive actions. My new challenge is not to get frustrated and create a commotion about environmental issues I see, but to learn how to forgive, and simply be the best person I can be through balance within my own heart and soul. This is my next goal: to attain such balance through meditation. I am slowly learning that the key to true happiness and balance is meditation. Realization and true awareness is difficult because you see the world in all it glory, but you also see all the destruction. Sometimes while I have been watching in all these countries the destruction is much more prominent than the beauty. It is now time for me to work on balance, that way I can begin to see equal parts of beauty and pain. It is all the same, it is simply how the brain chooses to perceive it. 

Blind Awareness

          As I sit here writing this I can hear the sounds of the birds playing in the trees, the water running along in the creek below, and can take a deep breath of sweet fresh air. I look up to see a beautiful mountainside covered in green trees and bush. Then I hear the trucks pass horns blaring on the road just ahead, and my thoughts are carried with the truck speeding towards the city center. I see trash littered everywhere, and can smell burning plastic as another truck speeds past spouting a huge diesel cloud right where I am standing. I begin to think about blind awareness. Travelers often have a saying: "There is the rest of the world, and then there is India". As you walk the streets in India you cannot help but wonder about this blind awareness that all Indians seem to take when it comes to the environment. 

 One of my peers brought up in class one day why people here cannot see the difference between their own space, and the greater space when it comes to getting rid of rubbish. I have witnessed it countless times while being here in Rishekish (one of the cleaner cities in north India), people simply throwing their trash onto the street directly in front of them. I do not understand why people here cannot distinguish the difference between "their" space and a space for trash. People will sweep up the steps to their shops to make it clean and presentable, only then to eat potato chips and throw the bag in street in front of the shop. How does this make any sense? 

Then, I began thinking how nice it is to have a trash system at home in the US, but even though the system is in place where does my trash go? To a big heap 5 miles outside of the city? Is the system I know really any better? The Indian's might have a blind awareness to what is right in front of them on the streets, but in reality don't we all have a blind awareness to the waste we put out there? Just like the Yakshasas and their king Kubera in Indian mythology, we consume, consume, and still want more need more. What about all our waste? I learned today that there is little difference between what I see here in India, and the way we "get rid" of our waste anywhere else in the world. There is only a different concept of space. We are all the same in so many ways...it was only as I began to travel the world that I see we all have this blind awareness. All space is "our" space, and we are no different than our neighbors.

Two Weeks in the arms of Mama India

    I have arrived. After two months of traveling and talking about India, dreaming about what it could be like...now I am here in her arms. My transition to India has been nothing but sweet, welcoming, and filled with happiness. When I landed in New Delhi I could barely keep myself standing in line at customs because I knew that my brother was waiting for me just outside the airport. I was beside myself in excitement, the customs process seemed to go at a snails pace. I had not seen him in 7 months! The reunion was wonderful, and to have that as my first experience coming into India began my trip with the greatest energy I could have ever asked for. Anyone who has spent quality time with Joseph will know that whatever you are feeling his energy will just lift you higher. I become so happy when he is around, so excited on the little things in life, and filled with positive energy. If I could name one person who is my inspiration in this world it would be my younger brother. I cherish him in every way, value our friendship more than words can express, and hope one day to be able to see the world the way he does.

     We spent the next day in Delhi shopping, eating excellent Chana Masala, and spending time in the company of great friends. I had the pleasure of meeting a close friend of Nikki and Joe from Bangalore, Shulabh. Having Shulabh show us around one of Delhi's great social spots made my first experience of that crazy city a wonderful and charming one. Shulabh is so kind, friendly, and generous I was sad to leave. Hopefully we get to come back to Delhi and reconnect, our time together was too short. The next day we were off to Hyridwar by train, then a short car ride into Rishikesh. Once we arrived at Rishikesh Sadan Guesthouse (where Jeevmoksha Yoga Institute is located) we settled down in our rooms before venturing out into town. We had delicious chana masala for lunch, which was really a surprise because we have only had Chana 1 other time in our entire stay at Jeevmoksha Institute, and then went for a stroll before the sunset. 

     Our yoga studies began straight away the next morning promptly at 7am, with morning practice. After morning practice we have breakfast and tea before our yoga philosophy class from 10:30-12:30. We then eat lunch at 1:30, I usually have a nap, then practical yoga asana class from 4:30-6:30pm. This has been our schedule for the past few weeks. We do get sundays off, but my first two were spent in bed because I have had a nasty cold I couldn't quite kick. I am just beginning to feel better now thankfully! I am sure though that doing this intensive yoga has played its part in bringing out a whole lot of built up toxins, and my body becoming sick in new ways for two weeks time is simply another obstacle I must overcome. We cannot let the little obstacles keep us held back on our individual paths to greater self-realization and enlightenment. Keep up and you will be kept up! 

     Overall India has been gentle, nourishing, and welcoming to me these past two weeks. I could not have asked for a better introduction to this amazing country. Being surrounded by nature, fresh air, and the beautiful milky blue waters of the Gangaji has deeply embedded a strong love for India. I have only been here a short while but I will always have the experience of Rishikesh in my heart to go back to when the cities get frustrating. I only hope that I can learn with time and patience to look past all of the "dis-comforts" in the other parts of the country, and see the beautiful colorful chaos which makes India so special. 

Life's Mistakes and Triumphs

       I feel as if this trip has slowly been challenging me in small ways to conquer things, situations, feelings, emotions, and past experiences that have always set me back before. Its seems that new situations have come about during this journey that force me to face the challenges described above. For example I have always had a problem with eating, and being able to eat certain foods. It became part of my identity. I had this idea tied so closely with myself that I gave absolutely no room for change. Turned out that with some shift of perception and conquering my phobia I was able to overcome such a disabling food restriction. The world opened up to me!

Today I am challenged to look at my perception of money. I do not know where I managed to attain my anxiety and obsession with money, but somewhere during my childhood I became so concerned with money as a means of security. I realized that it is not an obsession with getting money, but rather an absolute fear of being left with nothing. I can work myself so hard, and budget everything down to the penny carefully making sure that I have a reserve in case anything goes wrong. Then come the mistakes, or big money purchases (car repair, insurance, health, outrageous shopping sprees, etc.) and the stress settles in. ESPECIALLY when you have no job to back up the purchase. Truth is money is like the ocean, the tide comes in bringing glorious amount of cool water to wash over you toes, and then it also recedes leaving you with nothing but annoying sand under your toenails. 

If we all know the basic facts about money, why does it haunt us so when we make a mistake? The night you lost your iPhone at the club, the clothes you bought that you won't really use, the dinner with your friends that got a little out of hand...you sometimes wish you can go back and live that night/day again so you do not make the mistake. In observing myself, there are a few things you have to sit down and understand in order to overcome these feelings of regret.

FIRST: Identify the problem. What is it that is causing your regret? Write it down and be specific. When you have those penetrating negative thoughts ask yourself is it about the money or the situation you were in? Be specific and write it all down.

SECOND: Identify why you made the choice you did, doesn't matter how you got there just be totally honest with yourself.

THIRD: Create "The Plan". How are you going to make up for the loss? Where can you earn a little more, or save a little more? Create a specific plan on a small sheet of paper that you can carry around with you to look at when those negative thoughts come back to haunt you uncontrollably. And I mean every time you get those thoughts pull out that sheet of paper with your plan and read it aloud. 

FOURTH: Take another piece of paper and now write down the positives of the situation. Write down everything good about what happened, and anything that triggered happiness when you were there. Chances are the mistake happened when you were feeling happy, calm, and comfortable. This is important too, write it down.

FIFTH: On that same piece of paper now write down how you will approach the situation next time. Simple, straight forward, with no negativity towards yourself. 

NOW embrace it, and know that life will again balance itself out. 

Truth is we have to take the losses in life as happily as we take the gains. Knowing that we have the power to do this is the challenge. Money will always come and go, but time will always go. There is no time to waste on blaming yourself for stupidity and beating yourself up. Today I will embrace my mistake and lose like a champion. Tomorrow I will "win" a new piece of mind. :)